What conservatives get wrong about parental consent over pronouns

And what liberals get wrong when they enter the debate on their terms

Since conservatives in Canada seem to be intent on using trans children as a wedge issue once again, I thought it was worth spending a few pixels demystifying the latest issue that has conservatives once again shrieking “oh, won’t someone think of the children parents?”

That’s right, we’re talking about trans children in schools. And specifically, who gets to decide if children should be allowed to be trans in schools.

Conservatives are framing this as an issue of parental rights. They say children can be trans – that is, they can change their name and pronouns – but only with their parents’ knowledge, involvement, and consent.

On the flip side, there’s an issue of the autonomy and safety of trans students, who may feel more comfortable exploring their gender identity in their school environment than they do in their homes. Taken to an extreme, this view holds that not only is parental consent not required if a student wishes to gender transition, but that schools mustn’t tell parents if their children are gender transitioning without the child’s consent, as it would violate the child’s privacy rights and risk their safety.

To be fully fair, both sides raise important issues, but at their extremes, both positions are practically unworkable.

Let’s start with the supposed liberal perspective that centers the child’s rights to privacy and safety. To what extent can a child reasonably expect to have their gender transition kept secret from their parents when they go to school with hundreds of other kids who all have smart phones and social media? If this gender transitioning student appears to be struggling with other health or mental health issues, is a teacher really not supposed to discuss this with a parent? What if they’re falling behind in school or experiencing other behavioral issues? If the child is otherwise a great student but is routinely a victim of bullying because of their gender identity, should a teacher still not tell their parent? Is a teacher really supposed to play the pronoun game with parents to avoid accidentally outing a student?

And if the teacher has good cause to believe that the child could be put in danger if their parent found out that they were trans, shouldn’t a teacher then actually get the Children’s Aid Society involved?

Luckily, this isn’t how any school actually works, nor is it the actual position put forward by anyone serious – it’s just the latest bogeyman being put forward by conservatives who want you to believe that public schools are indoctrinating your children into a ‘trans lifestyle.’ That doesn’t stop a lot of knee-jerk Twitter liberals from falling into the rhetorical trap of parroting it back so that conservatives look more reasonable by comparison.

Because yes, “parents should know what their children are doing” is the obviously more reasonable position of the two options. It’s only when you dig deeper that you begin to realize how much more unworkable this is as a solution to a problem that doesn’t exist.

It puts teachers in the role of gender police, regulating and enforcing gender rules that would be an absurd waste of teaching time. Will teachers be forced to regulate all nicknames? Inform parents and get their signed permission when “Jackie” decides that from now on they want to be called “Jack”?

What’s a teacher supposed to do when a parent doesn’t give consent for their child to change their name and pronoun, but the child is clearly transitioning anyway? Because often children leave home for school dressed one way and arrive looking completely different. Is a teacher not supposed to intervene when the child is being bullied? “Correct” other students who choose to address them by their chosen name/pronoun? Deadname them? Report them for showing up in gender non-conforming attire? Refuse to grade assignments that they’ve written the “wrong” name on?

These are all obviously impractical, because conservatives don’t really care about how trans students can actually be supported through the education system. If anything, they believe they can be disappeared by a parent’s fervent wish.

It’s also more than a little hypocritical for conservatives to suddenly announce that parents get an absolute veto over their children’s gender identities not even two years after they granted unanimous consent to the bill to ban conversion therapy. Look, if you don’t think you can change someone’s gender identity, how can you also think it’s ok to let its expression be contingent on someone else’s consent?

Luckily, in the real world – the one outside the musty chambers of provincial legislatures – this just isn’t a real issue. Schools in rural New Brunswick were not secretly transitioning their students far from the prying eyes of their parents before Premier Higgs decided that demonizing trans children was something worth staking his deeply unpopular government on. The Ontario Principals’ Council put out a statement a few days ago affirming that while parental involvement is always ideal, the existing policies that center student self-determination and safety are ultimately the most practical and equitable.

Like a lot of deeply personal issues, this isn’t one where a hard-and-fast rule is very helpful. Teachers and principals are trained to work with students to assess their needs, spot where trouble is happening, and communicate with parents. Leave it to their professional judgement how and when to do just that.